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S.O.B. and the Legend of Alan Schafer

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Full disclosure: I’m a diehard fan of South of the Border, this Mexican-themed tourist trap which straddles the North Carolina/South Carolina border on Interstate 95.  To call S.O.B. a simple attraction would be a grave understatement, though:  the compound features a gas station, motel, restaurant, casino, ballroom, mini-golf park, reptile zoo and countless shops.  The true attraction, though, is S.O.B.’s neon-lit, 200-foot tall observation tower topped with a giant sombrero.  If you’re coming south along I-95 on a clear day, you’ll be able to see Pedro’s hat from miles away. South of the Border has clearly seen more prosperous days, although in my mind the current run-down state only adds to its appeal.  I’d lost count of how many times I’d visited when my family and I stopped in during…
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True Treats Historic Candy

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I’ve been to Harpers Ferry, West Virginia on three separate occasions, and if you’re ever in the area then you should definitely stop in.  The town itself is a national park, a living history community dedicated to everyday life in the 1850s.  (Shameless self-promotion alert: while you’re waiting for the shuttle bus down from the parking area, you can pass the time with this short story inspired by my first visit.  There’s enough activities to satisfy the most active outdoorsman, but even if you don’t plan on hiking the Appalachian Trail you can still enjoy awesome views from the banks of the Potomac and Shenandoah rivers. On our last trip, though, everybody’s favorite attraction was the True Treats historic candy shop.  This shop bills itself as “the nation’s only research-based historic…
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Dead Malls

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The mall is an all-American creation, a structure built for the sole purpose of retail shopping.  Although the first completely indoor, climate-controlled shopping center debuted in 1956 (shout-out to the Southdale Center in Edina, Minnesota—-you’re looking great at 62 years young!), we all know that the mall reached its true peak during the 1980s and early 1990s.  Movie theaters and restaurants quickly attached themselves to these shopping centers, transforming simple blocks of stores into miniature communities.  But even though shopping malls still make up approximately ten percent of all retail space in the United States, in many places the mall seems to have passed its prime.  As more and more chain stores have gone out of business, cities and suburbs are now challenged to put this space to the best…
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The Wal-Mart Diaries (les Journaux Wal-Mart)

Short Stories
Shameless Self-Promotion Alert:  I’m pleased to announce that my latest short story, “The Wal-Mart Diaries (les Journaux Wal-Mart)”, was featured in The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature's February issue.  Dead Mule has been an excellent magazine for over 21 years now, and after further review they’ve judged that my own resume contains a sufficient amount of Southern legitimacy.  Thank God for all those summers spent working the state fair circuit! I recently returned to the United States after spending some time overseas, and visiting all of my favorite stores and restaurants made for a great homecoming.  Wal-Mart has always been a particularly fun haunt, and coming back to my local SuperCenter was a nice treat.  Man, all the STUFF!  Wal-Mart always seems to have so much merchandise for sale,…
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The Bruce Weiner Microcar Museum

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Being a business traveler comes with a lot of drawbacks, but one of my favorite parts of the “day job” is getting to explore those places which lie off the beaten path.  You know the type I’m talking about:  attractions like the world’s largest ball of twine, maybe, or anywhere you might not consider to be an actual destination.  Still, if you happen to be passing by anyway you might as well stop and check it out, right? The Bruce Weiner Microcar Museum, formerly of scenic Madison, Georgia, was just that type of place. I first learned about the pride of Madison while flipping through a copy of Southern Living magazine about ten years ago.  Apparently a man named Bruce Weiner had made his fortune working as an executive for…
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The “Buried Treasure” on Sullivan’s Island

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[caption id="attachment_192" align="alignleft" width="359"] "The Secret"[/caption] 2017 has been full of adventures!  Several months ago, I wrote a couple quick posts about how I stumbled across “The Secret: A Treasure Hunt”, a book that was written by Byron Preiss and published in 1982.  This book is what’s known as an “armchair treasure hunt”, and it features a series of clues  which lead to a dozen buried treasures across North America.  Basically, all a person had to do was buy the book, match one of twelve cryptic verses up with another set of equally puzzling paintings, and then somehow the clues would lead you to an exact location.  That done, you could dig down through three feet of dirt to pull out a buried "treasure casque".  These ceramic casques each contained…
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Finding Fitzgerald

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I used to love reading “The Great Brain” series by J.D. Fitzgerald, seven awesome books about growing up Mormon in turn-of-the-century Utah.  Although these stories might be categorized as fictionalized memoirs, when I was a kid it was enough to know that they were great books.  I remember being amazed at just how easily the Fitzgerald boys got in trouble with their parents and their community, even without the aid of any modern technology.  One of my favorite stories in this series told how the Fitzgeralds were the first in their town to purchase an indoor toilet.  The neighbors (quite understandably) thought that Mr. Fitzgerald had finally lost his mind, and when the toilet was flushed for the first time a young J.D. thought his house had exploded!  The best…
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Mister K’s Used Books

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  As a used-book devotee, one of my pet peeves is those shops which put no effort into their display space.  I’ve been to a ton of used book stores which seem more like warehouses than actual shops, with rows upon rows of books piled high absent any rhyme or reason.  And yes, I do realize that these small businesses have to make their profit by selling books in volume, but it’s still a turn-off when you have to invest a couple hours wandering through the stacks without any clue as to what you might find around each corner.  And while I also realize that life is about the journey, not the destination, I’ve not a patient man. That’s probably the main reason why I appreciate Mister K’s Used Books…
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DieselDucy

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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yZIJBqwwR0?ecver=2] Today’s featured Youtuber is Andrew Reams, a railroad freight conductor and self-proclaimed “elevator enthusiast.”  Andrew is better known by the handle of “DieselDucy”, and as I’m writing this his Youtube channel has nearly 40,000 subscribers.  That’s pretty impressive, particularly when you consider that most of his videos are silent recordings of his favorite elevator rides!  No commentary, no background music, just the blissful sound of a lift in motion. On his website, Andrew explains that he is an adult diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, an autism spectrum disorder.  One of the characteristics of autism spectrum involves “fixating” on certain things, and in Andrew’s case he’s particularly intrigued by elevators, locks, lighting and trains.  Although he didn’t start uploading videos until 2006, Andrew’s actually been recording his favorite elevators rides…
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Used Book Hunting: Access All Areas, by Ninjalicious

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I’ve been fascinated by “urban exploration” for some time now, so I figured that the best way to get a better understanding of the field was to pick up a copy of its seminal guidebook.  The author, Jeff Chapman, was a Toronto-based pioneer in the “UrbEx” field better known by his internet handle of “Ninjalicious.” Although the book contains a number of awesome stories, some identifying details have been intentionally obscured due to the questionable legality of UrbEx.  I was most interested in reading about the methods that Chapman used, mostly simple behavioral hacks rather than James Bond-like infiltration techniques.  I was particularly impressed by these tactics since the book was published back in 2005, long before anyone had heard of the term “social engineering.” “Access All Areas” is an…
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The Secret: A Treasure Hunt

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After nearly eight months of searching and waiting, this week I finally had the privilege of visiting one of Byron Preiss’ buried treasure casques!  Unfortunately I was NOT able to actually dig up the casque myself, but given the historical importance of the site I agree that work is best left to the professionals. Fellow “Secret” hunters:  I’ve just put the full “solution” up on the Quest 4 Treasure forums (as well as a December 31, 2017 post here on my own blog), so hopefully the methodology I used will be helpful if there’s a casque in your neck of the woods.  As for me, anyway, both Image 2 and Verse 5 are officially off the table. Special thanks goes to the National Park Service team at Fort Sumter National…
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Bleeding Marlborough

Short Stories, Uncategorized
It’s been a busy couple of months at the day job, but I’m excited to announce that my latest short story, “Bleeding Marlborough”, is featured in the Fall 2017 issue of Wilderness House Literary Review.  This is my first time being published in WHLR, so be sure to check out that magazine’s other great offerings while you’re there. And yes, Virginia, there really is a John Brown Bell.  If you’re interested in the non-fiction story behind “the second most important bell in America”, this article that I wrote for Atlas Obscura is a great place to get started. No matter your opinion on the Civil War, its artifacts or its monuments, I hope you enjoy this story.  
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Chasing McRib

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Full disclosure:  I once worked at a McDonald’s restaurant for two years straight, which is why I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I’ve never actually tried the McRib sandwich.  The “for a limited time only” pork-and-sauce delectable was first introduced in 1981, invented by the same genius who brought us the Chicken McNugget.  Although the McRib was removed from the chain’s permanent menu in 1985, it’s continued to make occasional re-appearances and “farewell tours” over the years. Not having actually eaten the sandwich, the thing I find most impressive about the McRib are its legion of dedicated fans.  One of them, Alan Klein, actually founded the McRib Locator website in order to help others track down their dream lunch.  For us road warriors, Klein also created an app (of course)…
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Scorpio Books

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This quiet, appealing neighborhood bookstore has been a staple of Christchurch for over 40 years.  Although its original building was damaged during the massive earthquake of 2011, the business itself lives on. When I first visited the store in late 2015, Scorpio Books occupied a humble shipping container in the trendy Re:Start Mall.  It was definitely a unique shopping experience, although the selection was understandably limited.  When I came back through town a year later, I was pleased to see that Scorpio Books had moved into a larger, more open shop just down from its original building on Hereford Street. With a great local selection and friendly staff, it’s a sure bet that you won’t be walking out empty-handed.
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Reed Reviews

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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiDF0Zd-rFc?ecver=2] Reed Naiper has to be one of my favorite “celebrities” of the modern era.  Although his Youtube channel features a lot of standard fare such as video game walkthroughs, in my opinion Reed shines brightest during his product reviews.  “Casual Gamer Reed”, as he’s known online, offers his unbiased (and unedited) thoughts on a range of products from the driver’s seat of his car, which is usually stationed in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart Supercenter.  Whether or not Reed actually lives in his car has yet to be determined. In my mind, it’s a sure sign that the American dream is alive and well if a young man is able to build a successful brand by extolling the virtues of a McDonald’s M&M Flurry, or discussing the…
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Unity Books

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A quick trip through Auckland last week was the inspiration for this paragraph, a brief shout-out to one of the best bookstores I’ve come across.  Unity Books only has two locations, this one plus another in Wellington, but their reputation is huge.  In a world where massive chain booksellers offer office supplies, toys and games, Unity Books stands out for their simplicity.  This place sells books, nothing else.  Not even a café, although you’ll almost certainly find something worth reading over your morning flat white.  If your travels ever lead you to the land of the long white cloud, be sure to stop in and have a browse for yourself.
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Used Book Hunting: The Last Samurai, by Helen Dewitt

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  I was wandering through a used bookshop last week, the kind of store which has no website like it’s not 2017 and where the paperbacks are stacked floor to ceiling like the owner’s goal was to create some kind of fire hazard death trap.  It was there that I came across a like-new copy of “The Last Samurai” by Helen Dewitt.  This hadn’t been on my reading list, but after reading the hilarious jacket cover there was no way I could pass it up. $10 the copy.
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Making the jump

Housekeeping
BREAKING NEWS:  After 10 years of dragging my feet, I’ve finally decided to attempt the jump from Blogger to Wordpress.  “Why, why?”  You are in your incomprehensible babble, unable to assimilate stimulating concepts of literature into your blighted and retarded worldview.  Well, to put it simply you can do a lot more cool stuff using Wordpress. Even though I’ve greatly appreciated the simplicity of Blogger, it’s time to take the safety off and see what this Internet thing can do at speed.  Don’t worry, the usual low-res cell phone photography and accompanying snarky comments will still be available, in their entirety, on both Twitter and Facebook.  Thanks for bearing with me on the site's appearance while I dust off the old college HTML textbooks... TL; DR:  Same address, new look…
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