The year was 2015. My bags were packed, like always, but for some strange reason I found myself with an itinerary that was somewhat… convoluted. It was a particularly hectic season for the traveling circus, and our booking agents were having a bit of a moment, which is how I came to find myself re-routed through the ancient city of Constantinople.
I suppose I could’ve made a stink about the extra leg; whined and complained up the ladder until somebody got tired of dealing with me, and eventually changed my flights back to the usual direct route. But after an hour or so of reflection, I decided to do the exact opposite, and even made a quick phone call to extend the layover.
After all— there was no telling when I might be in Turkey next.
And as it turned out, the whole mini-adventure didn’t require much planning at all. A short taxi ride saw me from Istanbul Airport to the finest Best Western in all of Eastern Europe, and I launched out into the city with nothing more than a secondhand copy of a Rick Steves guidebook. No tour companies, no Turkish language skills whatsoever, and nothing more than a desire to follow in the footsteps of Marco Polo.
For a couple days, at least.
Hagia Sophia
Peak tourist season must’ve already passed, because the entrance line wasn’t all that long, which was the tipping point that drew me into this old place. Don’t get me wrong— the Hagia Sophia seemed nice enough, I guess, but a fresh coat of paint wouldn’t have hurt. And as I toured the place, I felt kind of confused— like, some of the ancient murals were clearly Christian, but then there were also all these massive Koran verses hung up on the walls? I tried to ask a docent for a definite answer, whether the Hagia Sophia was supposed to be a church or a mosque, but he just shooed me out through the gift shop.
Blue Mosque
Moving right along down my list, I made my way across the square to the Blue Mosque, a massive structure which made no secret about its religious origins. The building was a textbook case of false advertising— it was made from ordinary gray stone, with just a small number of blue ceramic tiles on the interior roof (although I understand the locals have taken to lighting the building with blue spotlights at night). And I guess it was a nice enough place to pass the time, even if some young rapscallion at the entrance did try to persuade me to hand over my shoes. Nice try, grifter— this tourist wasn’t born yesterday.
Grand Bazaar
After a pair of back-to-back disappointments, I was understandably a little wary about building up the next stop on my hit list. I had to admit, though, that for all its faults, Istanbul seemed to be remarkably consistent with its underwhelming attractions. Yes, even though the massive covered market was a nice break from the summer sun, it seemed like every single stall had the same merchandise on offer. Let’s be honest, a man only needs so many selfie sticks and cell phone cases.
Topkapi Palace
The next morning, I gamely headed out towards another “must-see” attraction, my energy somewhat restored thanks to a hearty breakfast of spicy lamb kebab. And even though the queue for Topkapi Palace stretched into nearby Gulhane Park, I stuck it out, fiddling with the audioguide and trying to program the device to play any other language but Turkish. And to be fair, Topkapi did turn out to be a pretty nice spot, although judging by the number of disappointed men I spotted on their way out of the special Harem exhibit, I got the impression that Topkapi Palace was a classic example of the Oriental tourist trap.
Basilica Cistern
And then finally, at the end of the second afternoon, I made a snap decision to complete my itinerary with a quick descent beneath the city. True to their billing, the Roman Cisterns proved to be a clean, well-run attraction, one which afforded a unique perspective on this ancient metropolis. If there was any downside to this quiet, almost solemn retreat, it was the fact that I’d just dropped 100 Turkish Lira for the privilege of touring a sewer.
Now I’m sure that Istanbul might’ve seemed more impressive if the city had ever been on my travel bucket list, or even if I’d bothered to do the appropriate amount of research beforehand. But from my own narrow, limited perspective, the absolute best thing about this city was the food. So if you ever do find yourself passing through Byzantium, be sure to drop by the Bosphorous Strait and pick up one of these sandwiches, prepared to order on traditional fishing boats, where the breathtaking views almost make up for the frozen fish patties.
