When it comes to Switzerland, I guess I’m kind of neutral on the subject. The entire country can’t really be considered a destination— it’s more like some place that a tourist might end up when they’re on the way to somewhere else. That’s exactly what happened to me a few years ago, when I was making my way through a much more interesting part of Europe and the traveling circus changed my travel plans on short notice. Not having anything else to do, I agreed to hop a plane for Geneva.
I quickly discovered that Switzerland is one of those countries where it seems like the locals purposefully try to make life hard for you, just because. After landing, when I greeted the Customs clerk on duty with a smattering of my high school French, the dude immediately switched over to speaking German. Later, at a convenience store, as I tried to pay for a tiny bottle of Coke with a fistful of Euros, the fussy cashier informed me that the joint only accepted Swiss Francs. And even though I’d made certain to re-watch “The Sound of Music” on the short flight in, my thorough research held no warning of the fact that Geneva is so damned expensive! Before I’d set foot outside the airport, a smartly dressed attendant helped me to dump out all the cash in my wallet before briskly and efficiently handing it back to me.
These concerns aside, there actually are a handful of neat things to do if you ever happen to find yourself passing through Geneva:
Shopping for expensive food
Geneva is full of gorgeous little markets like this one, all of which would be the perfect place to stop in and grab a bite for lunch, but for the fact that they only seem to sell food by the kilogram. Fortunately there are plenty of Starbucks around, where a small latte will set you back about ten bucks. Pro tip: Don’t even bother trying to ask for a paper to-go cup.
Eating chocolate
And of course, there’s no shortage of chocolate shops, where the store clerks are more than happy to bore you to death by talking about their artisanal production methods. Fun fact: cows’ milk produced over 10 kilometers away from the city center is considered “imported.”
Speaking French badly
No doubt about it, as a world language, French is pretty… unique. If you ever have the misfortune of visiting a Francophone country, no worries— just use a deep voice, and speak much more quickly than normal. Then, when you see the other person start to nod with understanding, walk away before they have a chance to answer.
Buying tiny souvenirs
Even though there are plenty of souvenirs to be had in Geneva, I couldn’t help noticing how they’re all micro-sized. Who knows what the reason is—I figured t was just out of consideration for tourists’ tiny, efficiency-sized hotel rooms. And those Swiss store clerks are truly a unique breed— at this one toy shop, after I’d picked out a $20 Hot Wheels car for my kid, the dude behind the counter wouldn’t let me leave before he’d lovingly gift-wrapped it.
Seeing this Really Big Lake and its Really Big Jet of Water
One of my favorite things to do in any city is to just stroll around the town taking in all the sights, so when I spotted this calm little lake, I couldn’t resist the urge to do a quick lap. Several hours later, exhausted, I finally remembered where I was and gave up— but not before getting up close and personal with what I guess was some kind of a broken fire hydrant.
Visiting the League of Nations
And of course there’s this place, the Crown Jewel of Non-Governmental Organizations, a living tribute to the glory of international bureaucracy. If you’re passing by, it’s always fun to spend a few minutes gawking at the visiting diplomats, trying to guess the country of origin based on their national dress.
So anyway, if you ever do happen to find yourself holed up in Switzerland, don’t despair. Just set your Swatch watch to the local time, grab your environmentally-friendly stainless steel water bottle and an appetite for expensive cheeses, and set out in search of adventure!